matadorable | Inbox

Joaquin says he's lost time on multiple occasions due whatever the Russians did. Don't know what they did to him, but considering his space-outs have in the past associated with his rage, I'm thinking it'd be safer to remove potential weapons.

[So Newton knows about Joaquin's black-outs. His friend was seriously shaken up after their talk at the seminar, so he’s not surprised (and is perhaps a bit relieved) that maybe Joaquin confided in someone else after everything ended.

Messages telling Manolo to remove sharp objects from the house scare him, though.]

he hasnt been angry though
if anything hes been
the total opposite
i dont understand
what those soviets did to us but
hes not the only one
who doesnt completely remember
what happened back there

he hasnt lost anymore time
since the seminar has he??

I know. He says he felt calm at the seminar, safe. He forgot what happened to Hermann and the others.

I don't know exactly what the soviets did either, but they've brainwashed--to what degree and what end, I'm not sure. But no one should come out of there with a sense of zen and missing time, so we'll have to figure out retroactively what happened and what we can do (therapy, deprogramming) to fix it.

I don't know how often he's had the lost time, but he said it's been 'worse since the seminar' than it was before he came here. So I assume this to mean it's been happening since the seminar itself ended. Since the occupation? not sure.

Look. I just want you to know I don't THINK he'll do anything, but I also don't see a point in needlessly taking chances and holy shit that sounds too much like Hermann, but the point is, No. I don't see a point in taking chances. They hurt him and until we undo what they did, I don't want him to come out of one of these spaceouts to find he's done something he didn't want to do.

How are you? Do you remember? He said you were feeling a little rough yourself.

if you think its safer that way then
i will do it but
im not sure how to explain
to our roommates why i am
hiding all of our knives and other things

i tried talking to joaquin about
what they were doing to us
did he forget that too?

it was an awful week
some parts feel like a dream
but i still remember the way
they hurt the ones who didnt
want to play their sick games

dr. geiszler
if the seminar had lasted another week
i am not sure i would even be
talking with you right now

Honestly? I don't know how to explain it either, and I guess I don't really want you to have to. Leave the knives. Keep me updated on Joaquin's mental state.

We should have taken you guys to Mexico. FUCK. I am sorry, Manolo. I am so very sorry, dude. Hermann and I really fucked up and failed you. What happened exactly? Do you want to even talk about it? What did they do to you?

its okay
it was a no-win situation

you and dr. gottlieb
did what you needed to do
joaquin and i
we both understand this

im positive they were
strapping us down into chairs
making us watch moving pictures
asking us questions that have just one answer

people who fought back or talked back
were shocked so much their health began to fail
people who played it safe by playing along
began to lose themselves and forget what they believed

[Guess which camps Manolo and Joaquin fell into.]

i almost thought i was going crazy
when joaquin talked like he didnt remember
the things the soviets
were doing to us

do you know
if there are people who can help
him go back to normal?

Hermann and I ...need to stop running, and you don't have to excuse us. We didn't used to run! We fought a war, albeit from the safety of a lab, but we fought a war and we didn't retreat behind a massive Wall far from the battlegrounds for safety (ok, it was never going to hold), but. You know, when you have something to lose, you find it much harder to
I'm going to stop trying to excuse our behavior, really, honest.

SHIT. We should have done something. Next time we're putting you two in Hermann's car--he's got to get this car finished--and driving like hell for the border or whatever is the safest place and getting you out of there.

There are such things as therapists and they can help. Good therapists can help, not those crappy guys trying to pass themselves off as doctors--Chilton and Crane. As someone who has seen a good doctor like that for many years...it does help. But someone like Crane or Chilton will do more harm than good.

Joaquin needs professional help, but he also just needs us to be around. We'll figure this out. It's not going to be easy, especially for him, but. Yeah.

you dont need to
excuse yourself either

like you say
you have much to lose
and you were already
kidnapped once

hopefully there wont
be a next time but
i guess we should
prepare for it
have a plan for if we
need to suddenly leave

i dont want to see
joaquin go through
something like this again

keeping him away from
chilton and crane
that i can do
dont worry

thank you for reaching out
to the both of us
as often as you do

The kidnapping was worse for Hermann, I assure you, which is why I don't want it to happen again. That said, I still feel like a shitty friend, but thanks.

I don't want to see Joaquin go through this again either, or you, do we'll try to come up with a plan because SOMETHING is always happening here and frankly? I know there are too many variables to make a solid plan, but we'll find something.

Thank YOU, dude, for being such a steady good guy. You two Disney Princess knock-offs make my small Grinchy heart grow three sizes.

I swear, I will disassemble someone if they try this again on one of you.

[Those are probably references he'd understand a lot better if he were from this century, but Manolo gets the gist. (He's pretty sure one of his former students at the local college called him a Disney Princess after seeing the way animals flocked to him when he played outside, anyway.)

He can't help but smile to himself, despite the horrible situation still so fresh on his mind.]

i think in this case
something is definitely better
than nothing at all

im happy that we have
somehow made your life here
a little better than it
would have been otherwise
thats the way friendship should be

thank you for looking out for us
hopefully no disassembling
will be needed in the near future

everyone could use a break from all of this

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